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AdminAdmin- Posts : 196
Join date : 2020-01-12
Age : 45 
In Memory Of:
Sat Dec 17, 2022 3:08 pm
My Cat Buffy (April 20th 2000 to August 12th 2019)
My adorable black and white tuxedo cat. I got Buffy from the Cat's Protection League (as it was back then). I was able to adopt/take on Buffy when she was just 6 weeks old. When it came to naming her it was either going to be Buffy or Scully, the temp name she was given was either Doris or Mavis I can't remember which one it was. On the day that I was able to actually get Buffy home I had to stay at my Sister's place for a bit. As we didn't know how Dad would react when he got home from, somewhere. I was at Sister's in case he freaked out. But apparently he found Buffy adorable too & as long as I looked after her (which of course I would/did) he was fine with it. Buffy like me (see Mum's listing) over the years, clearly never liked my Mum either.
Buffy was very Siamesy in nature. As Buffy would often jump up to catch butterflies when in the garden she had the nickname of 'Buffy the Butterfly Slayer'. Buffy was my world, I miss her dearly every second of every day. Nightimes are forever the hardest as Buffy would crash out by my head on the pillow, on my chest or snuggled into my belly. I'll ALWAYS miss this especially. Ever since I got her ashes from the Vet's I've worn a capsule type necklace, which contains a little of her ashes and a small tuft of her matted furr. I have a 'Stick n Poke' type tattoo of '12-8' on my left lower arm, for the day she passed. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further).
-----
My Dog Tommy (April 28th 1986 to August 14th 2000)
A long coated Chihuahua. He was a total dope. He had an overbite, as I did back then. He was Epileptic and was on medication for most of his life, which in turn did shorten his life a little, but his fits were easier on him. I miss him dearly.
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My 'Besties' Youngest Son Frazier George Burrows (April 22nd 2008 to March 29th 2018)
He was Autistic and had his struggles. His life was far too short. Technically he passed on the 26th, but Dr's etc.. had to clear meds from his system before his organs could be harvested for donation. It makes both the 26th & the 29th hard. Due to his organs being donated, he's become a true superhero, who has saved several people's lives. Always missed, never forgotten. Hugest love & hugs ALWAYS go to Ann (his Mum & my bestie), Martin (his Dad) & Ciaran (his older brother). xxxxxxxxx His funeral was at the end of April 2018. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further).
-----
Mum 'Julia Marie-Anne Ward' (January 25th 1949 to April 10th 2016)
(Actual cause of my PTSD, but NOT because of her death) - This one is quite long, complex & all negative, in an awkward way - As personally Mum and I didn't get along. Due to lifelong disabilities I couldn't 'fly the nest' till after Mum passed. I was 37 by then. As I still lived with parents (I did try to get away), I saw what they were like at all times. How Mum was when others were around was total opposite of what she was truly like. I've had it confirmed (Feb. 2018 via therapy) that I have PTSD due to 'emotional abuse' from my Mum, as she was grosly narcissistic. Due to 23+ years living alone with parents (after older brother moved out) I saw the whole 'narc act'. I now know the 'red flags' of narcissism & what to watch out for.
All narcissistic types put on an act, especially when around others, they're putting on a show, acting all normal/nice/pleasant etc... It's all totally bogus. Some suspected that Mum 'was loosing the plot/wasn't quite right', others knew, but most knew nothing about it. Dad knew she wasn't right. I was the Scapegoat (narcissists put roles on members of the family), it's NOT a role I'd ever wish on anyone. It's absolute hell, especially when the narcissist in your life is your Mum. I did contemplate suicide for a good 10 years+ due to the stress/hell of being the Scapegoat, I knew how I would do it (overdose on drink & meds method). I didn't do it due to having Buffy (my cat), I WOULDN'T EVER leave her with folks looking after her. The first ever 'stick n poke' tattoo I did on myself was the Semi Colon, because of contemplating suicide for all those years, but not actually doing it. Main (daily) ways Mum would push my buttons:
Through being a Scorpio (observing & noticing everything in every tiny little detail etc...) & living (24/7/365) with my parents, I KNEW how & when Mum lied. I may not always show/act on it, it'd have been beyond exhausting if I did, but I knew. Mum lied ALL the time. You can't get lies past us (we are the human lie detectors of the zodiac afterall), people try but it doesn't work with us. Behind closed doors Mum was big time lazy, she wouldn't actually do anything herself. She'd put everything on (mostly) me or Dad.
One example: she NEVER cleaned a cat litter tray. Even after her pet cat Kira, not even once. Mum would also ALWAYS copy me when it came to (getting same model) mobile phones/(getting same model) internet tablets/becoming a Reiki Grand Master, everything. So she could put ALL the work on me, i.e. putting in mobile phone contacts/fix any problems she'd come across, which were not even actual problems/99.9% creating her Reiki systems for her (she had to be 100% 'coached' through self attuning to system, the only part she couldn't pass off onto me)/doing in-person Reiki healings, Dad REALLY had to nag to get a Reiki in-person healing from Mum (she only ever did 2 in person healings (one for Dad, one for me - they were not effective in any way - that's why you practice)), I did them LOADS (I did hundreds+ on family, friends & our pets) etc...
One way that Mum was beyond strict/controlling was with my hairstyles. I could NEVER have it the way I wanted. The hairdressers would always ask Mum what she wanted done with my hair. It HAD to be long, till my late 20's (27/28), which I HATED/DESPISED. In my late 20's I could finally have it shorter but it still HAD to be layered. So it was grade 2 on top, grade 1 back and sides. She HATED the grade 1, but it was a bit of rebellion for all the previous years with her control, at that point. Having it long all the previous years wrecked my right shoulder further, as it was agonising to wash my hair. Mum had to wash my hair many times, Dad washed it once as on those occasions I was completely unable to (due to dislocation recovery etc..). My right shoulder is the weakest (due to EDS3 etc..), I gave up counting the multiple dislocated shoulders on my right side when I'd reached 15 dislocations. Due to this weakness & tremor in left hand, I do find it hard to shave my own hair. As of 18th Feb. 2021 I've done it myself, now it's with a foil shaver, it's always going to be tricky but I have time in my day to take my time with it. Since Mum's passing, my hairstyles are now, obviously in my full control (at last). I now have my hair the way I've always wanted it, grade 1 all over or foil shaved to get the bald look. It's SOOOOO much easier to deal with. I use a simple wet wipe to keep on top of it. The ONLY time it grew a bit out of my comfort level was during Coronavirus lockdowns.
**One time ONLY when Mum was somewhat 'normal' was when: I had a dislocated shoulder & was at hospital. They needed to sedate me so they could get my shoulder back in place. Apparently (I have no memory of this bit) it took about 20 minutes longer than expected for me to come round. Mum apparently used my ponytail that I had at the time to try to wake me up, by hitting me in the face with it. I was taken to our car in a wheelchair. Next thing I remember was walking straight into our kitchen. Mum then went straight to drinks area & made me a hot milk drink to help me sleep that night. She rarely ever made drinks, that WAS always put on me or Dad. She'd only make drinks when others were around, but NEVER when it was just us 3. Then I, again can't remember the rest of that night.
I HATE using the phone for phone calls. It reminds me of when my Mum would be hovering around, too close for comfort, when I was on the phone. It would stress me out to the point that I'd be stuttery. I now try, as much as I can, to avoid making phone calls. I HATE now, when I start to get emails regarding Mother's Day (early March onwards). Especially with ALL the loving Mother messages etc.. that go around online. I ignore/disregard Mother's Day big time. Mother's Day for me is NOT fun/pleasant/easy. I didn't have the 'normal' loving/caring Mother. Those of us with Narc Mum's can, I'm sure relate.
I have so many issues now due to Mum. Due to PTSD I have many 'triggers'/symptoms etc.. that effect daily life. Safe to say after all those years as Scapegoat, that I also have PNSD. Which is based on being in a narcissistic environment for years+. There is also 'Scapegoat Abuse Syndrome' based on the emotional abuse inflicted on us Scapegoats. I've had online therapy regarding everything that occured with Mum & I am a member of multiple Facebook groups where sadly others are still in the same type of situation/hell.
April 8th at about 9pm Mum got taken into hospital by Paramedics due to severe stomach pain. April 9th 2016 Dad & I got woken up by 2 Police Officers at 6:30am, never a good thing. They drove us to Kettering Hospital & got us to the ICU where Mum was. She was in an induced coma & needed, when she was more stable, life saving (though there where still risks of course of organ failure) Stoma surgery. I had to sign consent form as Dad was getting meds in A&E for his Cancer (as in rush to ICU we'd forgotten our meds). Surgery was done & it gave her a few more hours, her heart failed & Mum died of Ischaemic Colitis at about 3:20am on April 10th 2016. Final time I saw Mum was in the Chapel Of Rest at the funeral home (on April 22nd 2016 - on Frazier's birthday). I've never cried over Mum since her passing, I doubt I ever will. Mum's funeral was on April 29th 2016. It all happened in April, urghhh.
Both Mum & Dad, but Mum especially would often have a go at me for spending so much time in my room alone with my cat Buffy. Everyone figured I was being anti-social. I was trying to stay sane by limiting contact as much as I could. The week Dad was in hospital, recovering from Colon surgery, was a TRUE nightmare for me as I had to 'hang out' with Mum more often. Dad came home earlier than he should have, cause he knew I would be in hell, alone with Mum.
In the aftermath of Mum's death, (while Dad was alternating between Hospital, Nursing Home & Hospice), a long term family friend kept me fed with proper hot meals throughout the week. As I struggle in the kitchen & I enjoy simplicity, food wise when I cook myself. Thank you to them for that extra help during a VERY chaotic time at my end. xxxxx
-----
Dad 'Laurence Christopher Ward' (October 6th 1942 to 26th August 2016)
For the most part Dad and I got on, although he had his moments of being like Mum. Dad did also struggle to deal with Mum, he'd also say "she wasn't like this when I married her". In August 2014 he was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, which as I lived with them 24/7/365 I also saw the whole Cancer thing. As quoted by Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool, Cancer is 'a shit show' to watch. It really is. On December 23rd 2015 he was told by Doctor's that he was terminal and only had 6 months left. As a result I don't now ever really get Christmassey. This + Gran's (Dad's side) death on December 16th in the mid nineties were both just a little too close to Christmas. Kind've ruined it all for me personally. Dad died of Colon Cancer. Me and bro were both with him as he passed, holding his hands. I was sending him Reiki as he passed, as some Reiki Healers do (send Reiki to the dying to ease their transition etc..). His funeral was held on 23rd September 2016.
Dad's website - Now only obviously for reference etc... Still kept up via my brother's website. It's similar in layout to this site. I've always used this layout. In the past Dad & I would work on creating my site from scratch together. We found this layout best as he had similar. Hence the 2 column layout that I'll always stick with.
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Dad's Cat 'T.S.' (died August 10th 2012)
T.S. was named after T.S. Eliot. We got him the day Cats (musical) was brought out on DVD (in the UK) in 1998. He developed Cancer of the jaw and therefore had to be put to sleep. He was a total dope.
-----
Gran 'Elsie Ward' (January 25th 1901 to December 16th 1994)
Gran on our Dad's side. The first funeral that I remember going to as a kid. Gran's name was Elsie Ward. That first name sounds like 'LC', so Dad was named Laurence Christopher (known as Chris) and they kept that going with me, Lynda Christina.
-----
Gran 'Monica MacKenzie' (November 19th 1925 to September 10th 2014)
Gran on our Mum's side. On March 28th 2015 at 2:30pm Gran's ashes were scattered by a certain tree in the old nursing home type village she'd lived in for a while. Gran had suffered a few strokes & had bleeds on the brain. For the last few years or so of her life she wasn't mentally all there anymore.
-----
Marion Smith - My older (foster) Sister's biological Mother (died April 21st 2016)
I knew Marion for MANY years. Marie & Brett had to leave buffet (at my Mum's funeral) slightly early. To go to a different part of the same funeral home, the Chapel Of Rest. In order to see Marion one last time. As Marion had died just 11 days after my Mum.
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Jean Giles - My older (foster) Sister's Nanna (died April 12th 2017)
I knew Nanna Giles for MANY years.
-----
Marie Diane Moses (Older foster Sister) (March 2nd 1972 to October 9th 2020)
My 'foster' Sister, not related by blood. But blood related/foster/adoption/by marriage makes NO difference. I knew Marie (Sis) forever. The 'Ward' family & the 'Smith' family as it was back then, knew each other MY WHOLE LIFE. Sis had problems with her biological family from when I was a little kid. At some point she needed a more stable, (at the time) loving family background. No proffessionals were involved in fostering. Our family took Marie on, FOR LIFE, gladly without hesitation.
When Sis was pregnant with Jade, we put a roof over her head in that she stayed in our Granny Annex. Sadly passed away in early hours of the morning. I now have another stick n poke tattoo, this time it's of '9-10' for the date of Sister's death. It's on my left arm with my other tattoo's. It just doesn't feel real. I don't ever remember a time when I didn't have Marie as a big Sister.
At night when Marie was in bed we'd often chat for a while before actually getting to sleep. I could chat to her about anything. That's how it was with us, certainly since we'd hang out in the Granny Annex, chatting into the early hours about what was bugging us that day. I could talk to Sis about what I was dealing with when it came to Mum, all the struggles etc.... I always remember our last hug, just prior to Mum's funeral service.
Marie, Jade & I went on an 'eventfull' caravan holiday to Skegness, when Jade was about 2. Jade somehow got her head stuck between the cot bars (it was at her bed time), Marie & I pulled them apart with our bare hands to release Jade. Not easy to do with wooden cot bars, but we were of course determined & motivated. Jade had a very red neck for a while after as a result. We notified staff at caravan site about what happened. I remember every detail, to this day, about the events of that night. Less than 24 hours after gut punch of hearing of Marie's passing on Facebook & it's starting to really sink in. It's total hell.
I made the slideshow video of her wedding to Brett, based on photo's parent's took. I also have basic photo (printed at home) folder of her wedding to Brett. It's weird seeing pics of parent's/Marion/Marie, knowing those have now passed. Marie & I always got on really well. I will always miss the bond we had, we were 'tight'. I will always miss her loads. Hugest love & hugs always go to her husband Brett & daughter Jade. Thinking of you guys. Us 3 especially are all having our very dark moments since etc... Mostly for me there's yet to be any real 'closure' as cause of death remains (in Feb. 2021) unknown. Her funeral was held on 12th November, day before my birthday. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further). xxxxxxx
Marie & Brett's Wedding Vid (has been on YouTube for years via Brett's channel) - I created video from scratch. Re: Photo's used - I used what I had access to. (Late) Mum was known for chopping heads off in photo's & getting blurry pics. Non blurry & no heads chopped were from (late) Dad's pics. It was, for us a long day. Travelling from Rushden to Hull. But it was an amazing day. Eventhough I was, by miles, over 18, I still got asked for ID for the beer. View HERE.
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Slideshow Vid - Created by me for my big Sister - Visit HERE to view.
-----
Throughout the years we've (the Ward family) have had MANY other pet deaths too. Such as the other dogs we had while growing up: Nada, Suzie-Q, Carny, Chevy, Stella, Sam, Sally, Rosy & Danny. We've had other cats too: Candy (my Bro's cat) & Kira (Mum's cat). I had Guinea-Pigs (Simon & we took on Bacon, who we renamed Bobby - he died just 6 weeks later)/Hamsters (Gizmo, Kylie & Jason)/Gerbils. Buffy was the last pet I ever had, I can't mentally cope with loss of any other pet.
My adorable black and white tuxedo cat. I got Buffy from the Cat's Protection League (as it was back then). I was able to adopt/take on Buffy when she was just 6 weeks old. When it came to naming her it was either going to be Buffy or Scully, the temp name she was given was either Doris or Mavis I can't remember which one it was. On the day that I was able to actually get Buffy home I had to stay at my Sister's place for a bit. As we didn't know how Dad would react when he got home from, somewhere. I was at Sister's in case he freaked out. But apparently he found Buffy adorable too & as long as I looked after her (which of course I would/did) he was fine with it. Buffy like me (see Mum's listing) over the years, clearly never liked my Mum either.
Buffy was very Siamesy in nature. As Buffy would often jump up to catch butterflies when in the garden she had the nickname of 'Buffy the Butterfly Slayer'. Buffy was my world, I miss her dearly every second of every day. Nightimes are forever the hardest as Buffy would crash out by my head on the pillow, on my chest or snuggled into my belly. I'll ALWAYS miss this especially. Ever since I got her ashes from the Vet's I've worn a capsule type necklace, which contains a little of her ashes and a small tuft of her matted furr. I have a 'Stick n Poke' type tattoo of '12-8' on my left lower arm, for the day she passed. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further).
-----
My Dog Tommy (April 28th 1986 to August 14th 2000)
A long coated Chihuahua. He was a total dope. He had an overbite, as I did back then. He was Epileptic and was on medication for most of his life, which in turn did shorten his life a little, but his fits were easier on him. I miss him dearly.
-----
My 'Besties' Youngest Son Frazier George Burrows (April 22nd 2008 to March 29th 2018)
He was Autistic and had his struggles. His life was far too short. Technically he passed on the 26th, but Dr's etc.. had to clear meds from his system before his organs could be harvested for donation. It makes both the 26th & the 29th hard. Due to his organs being donated, he's become a true superhero, who has saved several people's lives. Always missed, never forgotten. Hugest love & hugs ALWAYS go to Ann (his Mum & my bestie), Martin (his Dad) & Ciaran (his older brother). xxxxxxxxx His funeral was at the end of April 2018. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further).
-----
Mum 'Julia Marie-Anne Ward' (January 25th 1949 to April 10th 2016)
(Actual cause of my PTSD, but NOT because of her death) - This one is quite long, complex & all negative, in an awkward way - As personally Mum and I didn't get along. Due to lifelong disabilities I couldn't 'fly the nest' till after Mum passed. I was 37 by then. As I still lived with parents (I did try to get away), I saw what they were like at all times. How Mum was when others were around was total opposite of what she was truly like. I've had it confirmed (Feb. 2018 via therapy) that I have PTSD due to 'emotional abuse' from my Mum, as she was grosly narcissistic. Due to 23+ years living alone with parents (after older brother moved out) I saw the whole 'narc act'. I now know the 'red flags' of narcissism & what to watch out for.
All narcissistic types put on an act, especially when around others, they're putting on a show, acting all normal/nice/pleasant etc... It's all totally bogus. Some suspected that Mum 'was loosing the plot/wasn't quite right', others knew, but most knew nothing about it. Dad knew she wasn't right. I was the Scapegoat (narcissists put roles on members of the family), it's NOT a role I'd ever wish on anyone. It's absolute hell, especially when the narcissist in your life is your Mum. I did contemplate suicide for a good 10 years+ due to the stress/hell of being the Scapegoat, I knew how I would do it (overdose on drink & meds method). I didn't do it due to having Buffy (my cat), I WOULDN'T EVER leave her with folks looking after her. The first ever 'stick n poke' tattoo I did on myself was the Semi Colon, because of contemplating suicide for all those years, but not actually doing it. Main (daily) ways Mum would push my buttons:
Through being a Scorpio (observing & noticing everything in every tiny little detail etc...) & living (24/7/365) with my parents, I KNEW how & when Mum lied. I may not always show/act on it, it'd have been beyond exhausting if I did, but I knew. Mum lied ALL the time. You can't get lies past us (we are the human lie detectors of the zodiac afterall), people try but it doesn't work with us. Behind closed doors Mum was big time lazy, she wouldn't actually do anything herself. She'd put everything on (mostly) me or Dad.
One example: she NEVER cleaned a cat litter tray. Even after her pet cat Kira, not even once. Mum would also ALWAYS copy me when it came to (getting same model) mobile phones/(getting same model) internet tablets/becoming a Reiki Grand Master, everything. So she could put ALL the work on me, i.e. putting in mobile phone contacts/fix any problems she'd come across, which were not even actual problems/99.9% creating her Reiki systems for her (she had to be 100% 'coached' through self attuning to system, the only part she couldn't pass off onto me)/doing in-person Reiki healings, Dad REALLY had to nag to get a Reiki in-person healing from Mum (she only ever did 2 in person healings (one for Dad, one for me - they were not effective in any way - that's why you practice)), I did them LOADS (I did hundreds+ on family, friends & our pets) etc...
One way that Mum was beyond strict/controlling was with my hairstyles. I could NEVER have it the way I wanted. The hairdressers would always ask Mum what she wanted done with my hair. It HAD to be long, till my late 20's (27/28), which I HATED/DESPISED. In my late 20's I could finally have it shorter but it still HAD to be layered. So it was grade 2 on top, grade 1 back and sides. She HATED the grade 1, but it was a bit of rebellion for all the previous years with her control, at that point. Having it long all the previous years wrecked my right shoulder further, as it was agonising to wash my hair. Mum had to wash my hair many times, Dad washed it once as on those occasions I was completely unable to (due to dislocation recovery etc..). My right shoulder is the weakest (due to EDS3 etc..), I gave up counting the multiple dislocated shoulders on my right side when I'd reached 15 dislocations. Due to this weakness & tremor in left hand, I do find it hard to shave my own hair. As of 18th Feb. 2021 I've done it myself, now it's with a foil shaver, it's always going to be tricky but I have time in my day to take my time with it. Since Mum's passing, my hairstyles are now, obviously in my full control (at last). I now have my hair the way I've always wanted it, grade 1 all over or foil shaved to get the bald look. It's SOOOOO much easier to deal with. I use a simple wet wipe to keep on top of it. The ONLY time it grew a bit out of my comfort level was during Coronavirus lockdowns.
**One time ONLY when Mum was somewhat 'normal' was when: I had a dislocated shoulder & was at hospital. They needed to sedate me so they could get my shoulder back in place. Apparently (I have no memory of this bit) it took about 20 minutes longer than expected for me to come round. Mum apparently used my ponytail that I had at the time to try to wake me up, by hitting me in the face with it. I was taken to our car in a wheelchair. Next thing I remember was walking straight into our kitchen. Mum then went straight to drinks area & made me a hot milk drink to help me sleep that night. She rarely ever made drinks, that WAS always put on me or Dad. She'd only make drinks when others were around, but NEVER when it was just us 3. Then I, again can't remember the rest of that night.
I HATE using the phone for phone calls. It reminds me of when my Mum would be hovering around, too close for comfort, when I was on the phone. It would stress me out to the point that I'd be stuttery. I now try, as much as I can, to avoid making phone calls. I HATE now, when I start to get emails regarding Mother's Day (early March onwards). Especially with ALL the loving Mother messages etc.. that go around online. I ignore/disregard Mother's Day big time. Mother's Day for me is NOT fun/pleasant/easy. I didn't have the 'normal' loving/caring Mother. Those of us with Narc Mum's can, I'm sure relate.
I have so many issues now due to Mum. Due to PTSD I have many 'triggers'/symptoms etc.. that effect daily life. Safe to say after all those years as Scapegoat, that I also have PNSD. Which is based on being in a narcissistic environment for years+. There is also 'Scapegoat Abuse Syndrome' based on the emotional abuse inflicted on us Scapegoats. I've had online therapy regarding everything that occured with Mum & I am a member of multiple Facebook groups where sadly others are still in the same type of situation/hell.
April 8th at about 9pm Mum got taken into hospital by Paramedics due to severe stomach pain. April 9th 2016 Dad & I got woken up by 2 Police Officers at 6:30am, never a good thing. They drove us to Kettering Hospital & got us to the ICU where Mum was. She was in an induced coma & needed, when she was more stable, life saving (though there where still risks of course of organ failure) Stoma surgery. I had to sign consent form as Dad was getting meds in A&E for his Cancer (as in rush to ICU we'd forgotten our meds). Surgery was done & it gave her a few more hours, her heart failed & Mum died of Ischaemic Colitis at about 3:20am on April 10th 2016. Final time I saw Mum was in the Chapel Of Rest at the funeral home (on April 22nd 2016 - on Frazier's birthday). I've never cried over Mum since her passing, I doubt I ever will. Mum's funeral was on April 29th 2016. It all happened in April, urghhh.
Both Mum & Dad, but Mum especially would often have a go at me for spending so much time in my room alone with my cat Buffy. Everyone figured I was being anti-social. I was trying to stay sane by limiting contact as much as I could. The week Dad was in hospital, recovering from Colon surgery, was a TRUE nightmare for me as I had to 'hang out' with Mum more often. Dad came home earlier than he should have, cause he knew I would be in hell, alone with Mum.
In the aftermath of Mum's death, (while Dad was alternating between Hospital, Nursing Home & Hospice), a long term family friend kept me fed with proper hot meals throughout the week. As I struggle in the kitchen & I enjoy simplicity, food wise when I cook myself. Thank you to them for that extra help during a VERY chaotic time at my end. xxxxx
-----
Dad 'Laurence Christopher Ward' (October 6th 1942 to 26th August 2016)
For the most part Dad and I got on, although he had his moments of being like Mum. Dad did also struggle to deal with Mum, he'd also say "she wasn't like this when I married her". In August 2014 he was diagnosed with Colon Cancer, which as I lived with them 24/7/365 I also saw the whole Cancer thing. As quoted by Ryan Reynolds in Deadpool, Cancer is 'a shit show' to watch. It really is. On December 23rd 2015 he was told by Doctor's that he was terminal and only had 6 months left. As a result I don't now ever really get Christmassey. This + Gran's (Dad's side) death on December 16th in the mid nineties were both just a little too close to Christmas. Kind've ruined it all for me personally. Dad died of Colon Cancer. Me and bro were both with him as he passed, holding his hands. I was sending him Reiki as he passed, as some Reiki Healers do (send Reiki to the dying to ease their transition etc..). His funeral was held on 23rd September 2016.
Dad's website - Now only obviously for reference etc... Still kept up via my brother's website. It's similar in layout to this site. I've always used this layout. In the past Dad & I would work on creating my site from scratch together. We found this layout best as he had similar. Hence the 2 column layout that I'll always stick with.
-----
Dad's Cat 'T.S.' (died August 10th 2012)
T.S. was named after T.S. Eliot. We got him the day Cats (musical) was brought out on DVD (in the UK) in 1998. He developed Cancer of the jaw and therefore had to be put to sleep. He was a total dope.
-----
Gran 'Elsie Ward' (January 25th 1901 to December 16th 1994)
Gran on our Dad's side. The first funeral that I remember going to as a kid. Gran's name was Elsie Ward. That first name sounds like 'LC', so Dad was named Laurence Christopher (known as Chris) and they kept that going with me, Lynda Christina.
-----
Gran 'Monica MacKenzie' (November 19th 1925 to September 10th 2014)
Gran on our Mum's side. On March 28th 2015 at 2:30pm Gran's ashes were scattered by a certain tree in the old nursing home type village she'd lived in for a while. Gran had suffered a few strokes & had bleeds on the brain. For the last few years or so of her life she wasn't mentally all there anymore.
-----
Marion Smith - My older (foster) Sister's biological Mother (died April 21st 2016)
I knew Marion for MANY years. Marie & Brett had to leave buffet (at my Mum's funeral) slightly early. To go to a different part of the same funeral home, the Chapel Of Rest. In order to see Marion one last time. As Marion had died just 11 days after my Mum.
-----
Jean Giles - My older (foster) Sister's Nanna (died April 12th 2017)
I knew Nanna Giles for MANY years.
-----
Marie Diane Moses (Older foster Sister) (March 2nd 1972 to October 9th 2020)
My 'foster' Sister, not related by blood. But blood related/foster/adoption/by marriage makes NO difference. I knew Marie (Sis) forever. The 'Ward' family & the 'Smith' family as it was back then, knew each other MY WHOLE LIFE. Sis had problems with her biological family from when I was a little kid. At some point she needed a more stable, (at the time) loving family background. No proffessionals were involved in fostering. Our family took Marie on, FOR LIFE, gladly without hesitation.
When Sis was pregnant with Jade, we put a roof over her head in that she stayed in our Granny Annex. Sadly passed away in early hours of the morning. I now have another stick n poke tattoo, this time it's of '9-10' for the date of Sister's death. It's on my left arm with my other tattoo's. It just doesn't feel real. I don't ever remember a time when I didn't have Marie as a big Sister.
At night when Marie was in bed we'd often chat for a while before actually getting to sleep. I could chat to her about anything. That's how it was with us, certainly since we'd hang out in the Granny Annex, chatting into the early hours about what was bugging us that day. I could talk to Sis about what I was dealing with when it came to Mum, all the struggles etc.... I always remember our last hug, just prior to Mum's funeral service.
Marie, Jade & I went on an 'eventfull' caravan holiday to Skegness, when Jade was about 2. Jade somehow got her head stuck between the cot bars (it was at her bed time), Marie & I pulled them apart with our bare hands to release Jade. Not easy to do with wooden cot bars, but we were of course determined & motivated. Jade had a very red neck for a while after as a result. We notified staff at caravan site about what happened. I remember every detail, to this day, about the events of that night. Less than 24 hours after gut punch of hearing of Marie's passing on Facebook & it's starting to really sink in. It's total hell.
I made the slideshow video of her wedding to Brett, based on photo's parent's took. I also have basic photo (printed at home) folder of her wedding to Brett. It's weird seeing pics of parent's/Marion/Marie, knowing those have now passed. Marie & I always got on really well. I will always miss the bond we had, we were 'tight'. I will always miss her loads. Hugest love & hugs always go to her husband Brett & daughter Jade. Thinking of you guys. Us 3 especially are all having our very dark moments since etc... Mostly for me there's yet to be any real 'closure' as cause of death remains (in Feb. 2021) unknown. Her funeral was held on 12th November, day before my birthday. This is one of three deaths that mentally broke me (worsened my PTSD further). xxxxxxx
Marie & Brett's Wedding Vid (has been on YouTube for years via Brett's channel) - I created video from scratch. Re: Photo's used - I used what I had access to. (Late) Mum was known for chopping heads off in photo's & getting blurry pics. Non blurry & no heads chopped were from (late) Dad's pics. It was, for us a long day. Travelling from Rushden to Hull. But it was an amazing day. Eventhough I was, by miles, over 18, I still got asked for ID for the beer. View HERE.
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Slideshow Vid - Created by me for my big Sister - Visit HERE to view.
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Throughout the years we've (the Ward family) have had MANY other pet deaths too. Such as the other dogs we had while growing up: Nada, Suzie-Q, Carny, Chevy, Stella, Sam, Sally, Rosy & Danny. We've had other cats too: Candy (my Bro's cat) & Kira (Mum's cat). I had Guinea-Pigs (Simon & we took on Bacon, who we renamed Bobby - he died just 6 weeks later)/Hamsters (Gizmo, Kylie & Jason)/Gerbils. Buffy was the last pet I ever had, I can't mentally cope with loss of any other pet.
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